From this point onwards, I am doing nothing towards PunchTheSphinx. It is, in my eyes, finished. I no longer want to continue working on it, and am happy to let it lie dormant forever, or until the domain runs out. I didn’t complete everything I set out to do with it, but I deem it very successful in what it did accomplish and the experiences it gave me are solid. Plus, I met a whole bunch of people who were awesome along the way so massive shout out to all you folks who helped with PunchTheSphinx.

Thanks to everyone who came to events, liked our stuff on Facebook, participated with our horribly unorganized interviews and read the website. You won’t be seeing anything new anymore under the name PunchTheSphinx. Any new ventures will be under a different name come the new summer of 2011.

So long suckers! It’s been swell!

What do i look like, a philosopher? By an abiding contract i must mention that you are all to throw away your razors for a week or so depending on the speed of your facial hair growth and attend the Punchthesphinx “Show Kilkenny some love event” or Jamie D and Graham bear will hunt you down and send you towards the gas chamber. They gave me a tour of the chambers.. Not only is there no god but try find a good spliff dealer on a Sunday.

You are fucking delightful, i really do admire and envy you.. bet you didn’t know that one. Yes, you! You could be the best for me in the same sense that i could be the worst for you. Saying that though, I am the energy of your asleep, i am the conflict of your silence. I am the thought behind your action. I am on the end of your last breath.  All the chance i need here is one in a million and from there i can show you where the real wild blows. I write all these silly little notes that you really should not think too much about. They may make no sense whatsoever to you but then again they could in some magical way find a way into your novel. What these notes have done at the same time is that they has made me realize…. no matter what.. my little catchphrases, witty/ wise/pointless sayings are not going to save me from the awkward silence when i arrive at the tea party with satan.

But if you don’t mind; i’m going to keep this up.. i have come so far now. What else am i gonna do.. go home? But the corny sad jokes.. they will be my ice breaker before i pour the tea.

Next time you lose your phone charger, don’t buy another one. Go to a hotel and say you think you lost it there. It’s the #1 most left behind item at hotels, so most places have a big bin filled with every phone charger imaginable. This message is brought to you by a man who is kicking the wind hoping it will kick him back, throw him on his bike and load the AK-47; fuck fishing season, fuck day time tv, fuck milk in your coffee, fuck writing endless lines about a man you will never know!, fuck him, fuck her, fuck the justice system, fuck NAMA, fuck the one way system, fuck the protests, fuck the awards.. and last but not least.. fuck you for allowing them to convince you that there is no party at the end of the world. Never forget lesson number 7..

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Lesson number 7. Learn to say I love you more. It feels good, really fucking good.

Back to you, Jamie D at headquarters.

OK, so I’m not The Absolute Bestest Number One Blogger In The Universe Ever (yet…) but I have been blogging for nine months, and you learn from your mistakes! And because I’m nice (-ish), I will share with you some things I’ve picked up about writing blog entries. These are not The Rules set in stone, but they’re things to keep in mind…

#Lesson One: Never Tell The World You’re Bored.

‘Oh GOD, I’m bored’

‘I was bored so I wrote this’

‘My day was so boring. First I went to the post office…’

No! You do not say that! It should be a freaking rule: Don’t write the words ‘I’m’ and ‘Bored’ in the same sentence. Why, I hear you ask in my imagination? Because, my dears, if you say you’re bored, you become boring. If you’ve ever been in a room with somebody, and they say they’re bored, they automatically become (wait for it…) BORING!!! And why read a boring post? Answers in the comments, please.

#Lesson Two: Don’t Start A Blog Because It Seems Cool.
After the success of Tavi Gevinson, for example, the thirteen year old from New York, more and more teenagers have been jumping on the blogging bandwagon. Some of them are really good at it too, and that’s great. But that, of course, leaves the rest. The people who want to be famous and successful from this. They think, ‘OK, I’ll just knock off something about the skirt I bought today, take a few pictures, sit back and watch the followers roll in!’ No! That’s not how it works! If you want to be famous, DON’T. Don’t even try, because it will not work. Become an accountant, it pays well. (And that just shows you how shallow I am…) I blog because I want to improve my writing skills, inspire people and share my opinions with the world. Oh, and when you’ve given up on the famous and successful blogger scheme, please delete your blog and leave some space in the blogosphere for the rest of us.

#Lesson Three: There’s Always SOMETHING.
Ah, inspiration, that flighty temptress, or something. It’s like a tummy bug – When you want it, you don’t get it, and when you don’t want it, you get it. It’s incredibly annoying. Seriously, we all have those days when you feel you’ve exhausted your imagination, and you have nothing left to write about. This is not true. If you’re looking for inspiration, try these to get you going:

• Write about a website.
• Give a shout-out to another blog.
• Write about a news story that you find interesting.
• Share an interesting fact or quotation.
• Share your opinion about something really popular but gets your goat. Be controversial!
• Report a problem with a product or service. Liveline online!
• Make a prediction.
• Ask your readers a question.
• Set a contest for your readers.
• Embed a funny video from YouTube.
• Review a book, movie, album, product or service.
• Recommend some good blogs to read.
• And if you still can’t think of anything,  just write about your day!

#Lesson Four – For God’s Sake, Be Yourself.
This may seem obvious, but sometimes it’s easy to forget. There’s no need to pretend you like something when in real life, you don’t. I know people who used to love Florence + the Machine… before they found out it had a song on the Eclipse soundtrack, and then they said they hated it, because it was now associated with the Twilight Saga. What’s the point in doing that? Just because you don’t like Twilight doesn’t mean it has to tarnish your views of everything else! And so it is with your blog. And life, and stuff.

#Lesson Five – Network.
This is imperative! Read other blogs (I’ll recommend in a second…) to get a feel for what works and what doesn’t. Most bloggers invite their readers to follow them on Twitter, because it’s a great way of getting to know them outside the blogosphere. Guest posting or doing interviews for other bloggers gives both your blogs exposure and is great fun!

#Lesson Six – Don’t Post Too Often Or Too Little.
It’s great if you’ve got lots of good ideas for posts, but if you post eight times a day your readers will get a little annoyed, and might scroll past you on their reading lists. Try and condense those ideas into a couple of blog entries throughout a few days. On the other hand, if you post only in a blue moon, people will forget about you, and they won’t come back to your blog.

Oh, and my favourite blogs?

~ Miss Vintage Vixen – This girl is kooky, funny, glamorous, and calls everyone cupcakes. And she’s my favourite blogger ever. I interviewed her back in March, if you want to find out more!

~ Thunder + Threads – Leanne Woodfull is the most honest, fun, and likeable blogger I know, and she knows what she’s talking about when it comes to fashion, which is more then I can say for myself! And she’s from Dublin! And she’s only seventeen!

~ Not Another Love Song – For something even closer to home, how about Kilkenny itself? Grace from Not Another Love Song lives right in Kilkenny city, is only thirteen, and is one of the most talented people I know. At almost everything. So it only makes sense that she’s an amazing blogger too.

If you have a blog or want to recommend your favourite ones to me, gimme a link! I’m always looking for new things to read. If you want me to interview you for your blog or if you have any chocolate to give me, email me at eleanor@punchthesphinx.com. Now I really have to finish a blog post!

High-Fives!

And all through the house

Gary was smoking

As high as a mouse.

The addicts ain’t hung

but Aoife doesnt care.

She hopes that Sir Maxwell

soon will be there!

Anyway, A breakfast roll and about 8 nexts later a glistening silver stallion of a micra pulled up outside Vinni’s Bar on the outskirts of two time tidy town winner Enniscorthy.

12:00am

Feeling completely out of our comfort zone, we were about to undertake a project that dwarfed anything that we had ever experienced, our Goliath. This was to be a fairly ambitious second task. Pffft we brought a camera or two with us and had d’crack was had!

Any unsettling feelings were quickly enveloped as the guys made us feel at home. We came to realise they are literly a bunch of cunts just having fun and any half arsed schedual we had half arsedly put together was half arsedly thrown out the window. We decided the best outcome would stem from us being ourselves and filming them in their natural environment. i.e. HAVIN’ D’CRAIC!

1.00pm

After a grueling 15 mins of quickfire interviews, we retired to a much needed food break. One place. One place would satisfy our gourmet needs. Supply our daily nourishment. One place stood above all the rest, in a town rich with strawberry stands, strawberry and cream stands, and strawberry and strawberry stands.

ABRA-KE-FUCKING-BABRA. Solid.

1.45pm

Evan heard a call to arms from across Strawberry Square. Not so much a call to arms but a call for his arms to go FUCKING MAD. After narrowly avoiding bumming a seven year old and getting his 6th conviction, the time had come for our three protagonists to rape the stage.

3.30pm

After said raping of said stage, the three stepped off with 14.85 different types of sweat billowing down there godly bodies, Dan with his pulsating veiny red mic in hand, grabbed the nearest sluh, chesticles only looking for a licking, he..,ejrhfaukwjygrlkwerhbewlujmrwfdsfgmehdnmcfhjsd… [Ed - Sorry he gets carried away. Bad Graham! Bad!]

3.45pm

We went outside, robbed a thinking hat off a thinking tinker and retreated to the PTS HQ. The Micra. Then ventured off in an epic journey of truth and discovery, and found ourselves in the yard of a Special Needs School with a rock band, a tripod, a camera, and a tesco bag full of questions.

PART ONE of the VIDJO!

6.00pm

With a huge weight off our shoulders we journeyed off to one of Wexford’s most precious jewels. The TINKER INFESTED ‘amusement’ park. The only amusement we got was watching a knacker bate the muck off another knacker with a sack of spuds. We left abrubptedly with the fear the hair would get robbed off our heads.

6.45pm

Undoubtedly the best fun we had all day was just chillin with the Guys (and Aoife) swapping war stories and slaggin a plenty. The crack was so mighty the DS themselves got a sniff and arrived in the carpark.

10.30pm

EXHAUSTED and shhhhhtink we disbanded after a face fuck of a show. A live force to be reckoned with, they held their own against two amazing bands leaving a solid impression on the town of enniscorthy. Three durty cowboys roidin through Seattle via Manchester wearing beer hats. CHEMICAL ADDICTION we thank you! For the line up was juicy and the craic was had.

PART TWO OF THE VIDJO!

2:00am

The night after Wexford

and James’ petrol is gone.

Gary’s still high

after only a bong.

The taxi was called

and the prick done us in,

so we butchered the bastard

he’s now in a bin.

*So sorry to the guys but unfortunately when we really needed it our equipment failed us and we didnt get any live footage that was usable due to the quality of the one working camera we had left.

R.I.P Camera 2008-2010

This next one I wrote a small while ago for quite a very special girl to me, my best friend and my lover. You might know her, you might not. I entitle this one “I can’t run a thousand miles.. but i can run a mile a thousand times.”

Enjoy…

I will call you up, but not on the phone. You can’t feel lonely if you like the person you’re alone with. You see, a while ago my soul glanced across the room, saw you, mustered up courage and then said “Oh, there you are, i’ve been looking for you.” Gay. There are alot of sneaky gays in this world, now some of you must be looking at the screen thinking this guy is just taking the piss.. In a way i am BUT if you don’t have an appetite for sex then there is no point in admiring physical beauty. Dya know what i mean. No? A relationship that lacks any fighting is like drinking gallons and gallons of water after applying super glue to the top of your johnson.. its gonna get rightly fuckin uncomfortable and one way or another, its gonna reach breaking point and there is a pure chance you will end up in the A&E ward of some horrible fuckin cramped hospital.. just sayin. Your knife, my back. My Gun, your head.

Can’t always get what you want but if you try sometimes, you might just find you get what you need. You’d forget that a smile doesn’t come from something you don’t have but by recognizing, remembering and appreciating something you do have. I know someday you’re going to turn your can’ts into cans and your dreams into plans but until then, lets go out to the M7, just you and me.. stand on a bridge over the super fast highway and watch the world do its thing. I drink, i smoke and i often dream of you. You know that one voice that reminds you of your favorite song, you are amazing. i just thought you should know.

The antidote for 50 enemies can be that one person if you get where i’m coming from with this undying theory, go forward but make sure you know what direction you are facing. If you don’t know what direction you are facing.. i will take my hands away from your eyes, but only for a second and you can forget it if you think i will turn the lights on. You know those people (they speak alot) who say you are not worth it, worth the pain you bring.. but who the hell do they know you’re worth everything. Fuck distance, be here now. I think we all like being a sexual fantasy. You know some people can conquer the world with one hand and hold your hand with their other. And there are some things that surround us in this world that words haven’t been thought up for.. but i will give it a shot as long as you don’t compare your life to others, you have no idea what their journey is all about. My stomach is doing the thing again…

But lets look at the positive side!

It’s where our friends are. It’s where we grew up. It’s where we’ve all had countless good nights. It’s a city who’s people organise epic and fun events regularly. This city and it’s people has given all of us great memories and will continue to do so.

So lets give it some of our love!

“HOW SO?!” I hear you scream. “THIS IS HOW” screams I.

GIVE KILKENNY SOME LOVIN’

• - SAT AUG 7TH ON KIERAN STREET
• - FREE CHALK WILL BE HANDED OUT
• - YOU WILL DRAW HEARTS ALL ACROSS THIS CITY TO SHOW YOUR LOVE FOR IT

In fairness, It’s not a bad auld place to live!

It’s quite simples really! On the 6th of August you’re all invited to get yo ‘tache on by wearing a fake moustache, drawing a snazzy custom moustache on your own face and friend’s faces (Just like after they pass out!) or alternatively I guess, actually having a real moustache. The latter being the most boring option!

But it’s not just on the 6th of August! There is a build up to this most illustrious of days! Grace wants you to emblazen yourselves with Moustaches leading up to the day and send the pictures onto her at http://nationalmoustacheday.blogspot.com/.

I’ve already grown mine!

So you all better ‘tache up fast motherfuckers!