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Top 20 Absolutely Essential Golden Rules For Hollywood Blockbusters

In Hollywood movies every person has a distinction in popular dance and beautiful girls walk around haunted houses in their finest lace underwear. Here are the Top 20 GOLDEN rules for making a Hollywood flick!

1. If you run up to a women in the airport and make a life changing speech she might not know who you are but its mandatory that you jump into their arms and all security procedures will be dropped while everyone will applaud no matter how mental you look.

2. WWII German soldiers will not necessarily speak the language, but fuck me if they don’t have a convincing accent!

3. All apartments in Paris overlook the Eiffel Tower. . .from the back AND front window

4. Large studio apartments in big cities are affordable by struggling single women on a low wage.

5. One man shooting at 20 men has more chance of hitting them than 20 men shooting at one man. See stormtrooper effect.

 

6. When staying in a haunted house,women should ALWAYS investigate strange noises in only their smallest underwear. Less clothing means a quicker escape!

7. During a police investigation it is necessary to visit a strip joint at LEAST once

8. The entire British population lives in London. . . nowhere else in England is in any way interesting

9. It doesn’t matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight,your enemies will ALWAYS attack you one at a time, while the others dance around menacingly.

10. ‘Ugly’ girls only have to take off their glasses and let down their hair to become beautiful (see she’s all that)

Fugly

11. Every teenager has a large open out window with a sturdy drain pipe conviniently placed for a quick and easy escape and also no parent will EVER investigate why, instead of a normal lookin human, there is an odd shaped monster under the duvet! (see every teen movie….EVER)

12. In all high school classrooms, the teacher will ALWAYS be interrupted in mid-sentence by the end-of-class bell.

13. In any type of sport movie, while still  playing a player can immediately spot their family/loved one in a 80,000 seater stadium

14. Every movie must have a black guy in the background who says stuff like ‘damn’ ’shit’ and ‘that is whack’

 

15. To qualify for high school you must have to be a professional singer/dancer.

16. In an American football game the ball always seems to hang in the air perfectly for hours….mad

17. Forget weapons, all you need to beat a terrorist is some sarcasm.

18. A bank must ALWAYS have cream coloured bags with a currency mark on them incase of a robbery

19. Running from an explosion will not only save you from it, no matter how close, but also will send you perfectly and often cooly through the air and always leave you unscathed.

20. COOL GUYS DON’T EVER LOOK AT EXPLOSIONS!

…FACT!

If you liked what you read here (and ya better *shakes fist*) then visit http://www.area51newmexico.com  the source of inspiration,laughs and loads more painfully obvious movie cliches and rules! Props

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Written By: Graham Delaney
18 mighty years ago the Americans sat patiently on the 4th of July , fireworks await, for the second coming of Christ. They were sadly disapointed and they now celebrate their complete independence from religion and, well, hope. On this weekend (yes thats why, I swear) 18 years on Graham 'Boots Electric' Delaney is just as disapointing and is going on to 3rd level to study Art. He is wank at drawing but luckily he is a creative soul! He likes long days lounging outside spar, spitting and spitting outside spar. Ugg boots too, yes muggs! Grahams got a feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night!

22 Responses to Top 20 Absolutely Essential Golden Rules For Hollywood Blockbusters



  1. Aon Gus says:

    That was quite tasty

    well done

  2. Jo O' Brien says:

    Haha! Very Good.I will start my film career now.

  3. Area51 says:

    Shouldn’t references or trackbacks be added?
    http://www.area51newmexico.com/page5.php

  4. James says:

    They sure should! They’ve been added just down the bottom.

  5. Eleanor says:

    That is so cool! I have some:

    A detective MUST be thrown off a case before he can solve it.

    Medievel peasants have perfect teeth.

    When alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to one another.

    The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place.

    You can survive any battle in any war as long as you don’t show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

    What do you think?

  6. graham says:

    “A detective MUST be thrown off a case before he can solve it.”

    haha genious! Well done!keep em coming!get in contact with james if your interested in becoming an author!

    thank you!

  7. James says:

    “The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place.”

    Yeah, that’s in like EVERY fricken movie. I wonder what the ventilation systems are really like, you could fit a fuckin rhino though the ones in movies.

  8. graham says:

    okay james look in one of the corners of the room!!see that tiny rectangle . . .thats our mo foin vents~~pish posh americans

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